Dear Almost Graduates,
Your time has come. May is just around the corner. Graduation: that special day where you don a $50 sheet for six hours and wait for some guy you’ve never met to call your name. That $7 piece of paper is all you need for your mom and dad to announce to the [...]
Dear Barack Obama,
Sometimes, I have this dream where you and I have our own reality show called “Barack & Me.” After your busy day of passing legislation and smoking Marlboro Reds, you and I sit down for a nice dinner of waffles. During dinner you say things like “Who the hell are you?” “Pass the [...]
I have 20 dollars in my pocket, but I am only going to spend 10. I have all night, but I am only going to stay one hour. I am going to be reasonable and I am going to know when to quit.
Even as I tried to build my defenses against spending every last dollar [...]
Dear Pilgrims,
So the legend goes: It was a balmy day in November when Squanto interrupted your meal of flour and sugar to bring you the gift of corn. Then John Smith came out of the brush with a young Pocahontas and announced, “Hey, look what I found!” Then another pilgrim — the one with the [...]
Dear Summer,
This year, many of my friends confused you with Christmas break — traveling home to compete in video game tournaments, drinking nightly cases of Coors and spending money on Super Soakers and weed for their “much-needed” trips to Gulf Shores.
Oh Summer, I constantly had work to do, but you still tempted me with your [...]
