Legacy

Eric Guiffreda kisses his fiancé, Caitlyn Turner, in the Highland Coffee patio. Photograph by Grant Gutierrez

Sex. Everyone talks about it, but not everyone is doing it. Tales of post-bar sexcapades may seem commonplace on our campus, but some LSU students are eliminating the three-letter word from their physical vocabulary. Abstinent students aim to enhance trust, communication and even spirituality in their current relationships without doing “The Deed.”

Abstinence is the decision to refrain from sex, including vaginal, oral and anal intercourse. The University’s Wellness Education Coordinator Ashley Granger says abstinence has a plethora of perks. It’s free. It’s safe. It’s practical. Anyone can practice abstinence — virgins and seasoned sex veterans alike.

“You don’t have to spend money on condoms and testing,” Granger said. “You don’t have to set that alarm to take your birth control.”

Communication about personal sexual limitations is essential for healthy relationships, Geanger said. Failure to communicate could confuse sexual boundaries and strain the relationship.

“If you want to abstain, you have to make sure your partner’s definition is the same,” Granger said. “You don’t want your partner to say, ‘I won’t have penile [intercourse], but you’re going down on me tonight.“

Mass communication senior Caitlyn Turner, 21, said abstinence keeps her romance with fiancé Eric Guiffreda focused on communication and emotional growth. Guiffreda, 25, is a full-time firefighter in St. Tammany Parish. The couple plans to wait until their wedding night on June 26 to have sex for the first time.

“We’re human and we may struggle, but we focus on building our relationship,” Turner said. “We are constantly learning about each other.

Turner said sharing views on abstinence was one of the couple’s first conversations. After that initial talk, Turner and Guiffreda said the pressure was off.

“I know our relationship is solid and genuine, not based on anything physical,” Guiffreda said. “She really likes to be with me because of who I am — on a deeper level.”

Although the Health Center does not emphasize abstinence, Granger said abstinence is included in health seminars as an alternative to risky sexual lifestyles.

“I don’t think we’re oversexed, we’re just talking about it more,” Granger said.

Testing for infection and disease is necessary for sexually active students, Granger said. The Health Center recommends people in monogamous relationships be tested for STIs, or sexually transmitted infections, every six months. Students with additional sexual partners are encouraged to get tested every three months. Left untreated, STIs that develop symptoms become diseases, or STDs.

Wellness Education Coordinator Ashley Granger explains the handouts in the safe sex and abstinence packets. Photograph by Grant Gutierrez

Spending on the Health Center’s low-cost testing can add up. Chlamydia and gonorrhea tests cost $14 while a syphilis test is $4. HIV testing is $15, but can be obtained for free at locations in Baton Rouge, Granger said. Prices vary each semester.

“It’s a manageable cost, but you have to keep up with it,” Granger said. She emphasized that cost of contraceptives, condoms and testing might topple a student’s budget.

Granger cited various reasons for choosing abstinence, such as religion or meditation, lack of time for sexual commitment or inability to balance the responsibility of a sexual relationship. Some students want to focus on academics, while others are waiting for a committed relationship.

However, Granger said students do not have to sacrifice affection for abstinence.

“Healthy intimacy does not have to include sex,” Granger said.

Marketing freshman Madeleine Ricks said she has chosen to remain abstinent in college because she is saving sex for someone she truly loves. Ricks said there is not enough time in college to find her perfect match, and achieving a meaningful emotional connection is easier while being abstinent.

“Love has to play a big role no matter what,” Ricks said. “Sex is not trendy, especially when it’s done out of a loving relationship.”

Ricks said her decision to remain abstinent has not been religiously motivated, but reflects her self-respect and personal values.

“I have morals for myself and I want to uphold that,” Ricks said. “I am not for sure waiting for marriage but it isn’t something I am going to give away.”

Turner, however, said she has always known she would be abstinent until marriage. She received her promise ring — a simple gold band — from her mother in high school to symbolize her commitment to abstinence. Although Turner’s abstinence ring has been replaced by her engagement ring, the meaning is unchanged.

“The ring represents my commitment to my future husband and my commitment to God,” Turner said.

Guiffreda, who also wears a promise ring, said he chose abstinence his sophomore year of high school after participating in “True Love Waits” at his church, a program that encourages youth to save sex until marriage.

“I know putting it off is going to be better,” Guiffreda said. “It’s not going to be just another night.”

Madeleine Ricks waits in her dorm room for paint to dry on her costume. Photograph by Grant Gutierrez

He said abstaining is difficult. Despite initial disbelief from friends, Guiffreda said some have confessed they would postpone sex if they had a second chance.

“It’s a natural desire, but many have fed that desire and found emptiness,” Guiffreda said. “[Abstinence] is seen as a kill-joy, but you see the [negative] effects of those who don’t wait.”

Ricks said her desire to remain abstinent contributed to a recent break-up. Although she cared about her long-term boyfriend, she said she was not ready for a physical commitment. However, Ricks said most of the pressure to have sex has come from her female friends, not from men she has dated.

“I can’t just jump into conversations [about sex],” Ricks said. “People give weird looks if I haven’t done it.”

Guiffreda said the couple’s pledge to remain abstinent enhances their trust.

He said he has heard people argue sex is necessary to ensure a couple is a perfect “fit.” However, he said having sex too soon is not a valid way to discover compatibility.

“If I’m a guy and she’s a girl, I know it’s going to fit,” Guiffreda said. “Our relationship is built on love, not on the physical.”

Even if the lovemaking isn’t the best at first, Guiffreda said that waiting for marriage is worthwhile.

“We can learn [from] each other,” Guiffreda said. “I’m not going to compare her to any other women.”

Abstinence, or no sexual contact, is the only form of “safe sex.” “Safer sex” is any contraceptive or barrier method, such as a condom, that diminishes but does not eliminate risks. STIs and STDs are still a danger when condoms or other barriers are used as primary preventatives.

Granger said the Health Center urges students to take measures for safe sexual relationships, and abstinence is among these choices. Although abstinence is the only proven method to completely protect from pregnancy, Granger said condoms and other methods of birth control can be effective if used correctly.

“Our main job is to provide you with the knowledge to make the best decision when it comes to health and wellness,” Granger said.

Granger said abstinent couples should be prepared in case the “heat of the moment” leads to intercourse.

Guiffreda and Turner said they have to consciously decide how they spend their alone time. They uphold their pledge of abstinence by refraining from excessive drinking or sleeping in the same bed.

“We don’t allow ourselves to get in that situation,” Guiffreda said.

Although people may believe students are having more sex with more partners, 32 percent of students stated they had no sexual partners for the school year, according to a sample of 715 LSU students who participated in the American College Health Association National College Health Assessment conducted in 2008.

Additionally, 46 percent indicated they had one sexual partner and only six percent reported having four or more partners within the school year.

Turner, Guiffreda and Ricks said they believe they are the minority in their decision. Ricks said she has questioned her decision, but not enough to give in.

“There have definitely been times when I thought, ‘What if I’m missing out? What if I need to get it over with?’” Ricks said. “But I do believe it’s worth waiting for.”

Ricks said students from any background can choose abstinence in college and still find fulfillment.

“[Abstinence] ultimately builds a stronger bond with the person you’re with,” Ricks said. “If they are going to stay with you without the physical side of the relationship, then they are really going to care about you.”