Legacy

Look both ways before you cross the street. Buckle up. Safety first. These are the sayings we’ve heard all of our lives. Growing up we had our parents to hold our hands and keep us safe. Now that most of us have left the nest, those childhood lessons seem like a thing of the past when faced with a hectic school day.

Instead of relying on mom and dad to watch out for us, the University has taken several measures to care for its students – all 26,000 of them. With the addition of Easy Streets and the constant surveillance of the LSU Police Department, the University strives to keep students safe. Even with several precautions, no system is perfect. Not even Superman has a perfect track record. Many accidents on campus are minor. However, “freak” accidents – and some not so freaky – can occur to remind us that we aren’t super heroes.

Imagine taking a stroll to Mike the Tiger’s cage. It’s a nice, sunny day. The weather is so perfect you forget about the test you have next week or the paper due the following day. As you make your way to see Mike roaming safely in his habitat, disappointment spoils your mood as Mike is nowhere to be seen. You look around but the jungle cat cannot be found. You begin to walk away frustrated. Suddenly you hear something that makes you freeze in a cold sweat. You turn around slowly to see the “tame” cat staring you dead in the eyes. Mike reverts back to his primal instincts and makes short work of you, leaving you in pieces as a mid-afternoon snack.

Not many of us would ever consider the likelihood of becoming one of Mike’s meals. Despite the low odds, this is a possibility. Many dangers lurk around campus that could send you six feet under.

On Campus:

1. Being mauled and eaten by Mike the Tiger. As imagined earlier, the possibility of Mike breaking free from his restraints and roaming campus for a meal is always a possible reality. Just ask Roy Horn from Siegfried and Roy.

2. Falling down the stairs. Running late to class can end badly when you slip down the stairs with nothing to break your fall but solid concrete.

3. Getting hit by a car. We’ve all had that experience where mother’s words of wisdom about looking before you cross the street seem to fail us. This absent-minded mistake leaves some with a near-death experience and others with the last experience. No one has died on campus from this, yet.

4. Rabies from a squirrel attack. Cute and cuddely, but just as deadly. A lethal combination from a nut-loving critter.

5. Run over by the new bus system. We all love riding the bus to avoid driving to campus. We don’t all love the bus riding us. Luckily there haven’t been any accidents thus far.

6. Hurricane. On August 29, 2008, Hurricane Gustav hit Baton Rouge, leaving the University closed for two days and full of damages. Gustav claimed 48 lives in Louisiana, according to the National Hurricane Center. Deadly 100 mph winds, trees crashing, and grounded items taking lift make these forces of nature no walk in the park.

7. Heat stroke while walking to your car. Body temperatures can reach up to 105 degrees Fahrenheit before a heat stroke, LSU’s Agriculture Center reports. This makes your skin feel like it’s melting as you walk across the commuter lot.

8. Eaten by zombies on Zombie Day. Dawn of the Dead. Need I say more?

9. Books falling in Middleton library. Finding research for a paper becomes a game of survival when 1,000 books come tumbling down on you like an avalanche.

10. School shooting. The University was reminded of how real of a threat shootings can be on December 14, 2007. Chandrasekhar Reddy Komma and Kiran Kumar Allam were gunned down in the Edward Gay Apartments. Let’s also not forget the terrible tragedy that occurred on April 16, 2007 at Virginia Tech that left college students in shock.

11. Falling from various buildings. When being bold and trying to have lunch on the Union instead of inside it turns you into sidewalk art.

12. Being bludgeoned to death by Quidditch players. Inspired by the Harry Potter novels, LSU boasts its very own Quidditch team. “Quidditch is a very violent game,” explains Sarah Kneiling, president of LSU’s Quidditch Club. “Hitting people in the face with a bludger is common, and actually kind of encouraged in the rules,” said Kneiling.

13. Jumping a car. Trying to help your friend’s car start in the commuter lot can leave you needing a jump from defribillation paddles when the battery explodes in your face.

14. Chemical explosion in science lab. Tyler Durden from Fight Club, demonstrated the feasibility of turning soap into nitroglycerin. It is all too easy for a simple miscalculation to leave the University’s chemistry lab – and yourself – in ruins.

15. Accident from union construction workers. Not only is the Union getting renovated, but so could your face with any mishap.

16. Gators in the lakes. What lurks beneath those dark waters of the LSU lakes? Could we have our very own Creature from the LSU Lagoon?

17. Light falling in Swine Palace. As the chandelier proved deadly to the Phantom of the Opera, so too can a loose light kill an unsuspecting member of the audience.

18. Tasered by paranoid female. Don’t sneak up behind a girl who’s taken Self Defense 101 and armed with voltage. “Don’t tase me, ho!”

Residential Life:

19. Armed robbery. There have been a reported 347 robberies in the past three years, according to LSUPD’s crime statistics.

20. Carbon monoxide from heaters. Kyle Oser, a 22-year old senior at LSU, died last January from carbon monoxide poisoning, reported the Advocate. “Nearly 500 Americans die suddenly in their homes from carbon monoxide (CO) poisoning,” according to the LSU Agriculture Center, giving new meaning to silent but deadly.

21. Computers exploding in the lobby. Many of us rely on laptops to take notes in class and to study for the big test. However, these technological gifts can turn their backs on us. The New York Times reported a Dell computer suddenly exploded in Japan in 2006. Also, MacBook Pros have had several problems of overheating and catching on fire, according to Bit-tech.net.

22. Elevator crash. Any old, elevator on campus could transform into the Tower of Terror in the blink of an eye.

23. Gangrene from the showers. Remember to wear those shower slippers, or you could get athlete’s foot, which can turn into gangrene when left untreated.

24. Spoiled food from the dining hall. Every few years there seems to be instances of food turning deadly. The E. Coli spinach outbreak in 2006 is one example.

25. Catching an STD. “Baton Rouge ranks fourth for AIDS case rates among the largest metropolitan areas in the U.S.” according to the Baton Rouge AIDs Society.

26. Being fried in a tanning bed. With tons of off campus apartments offering free tanning sessions, the classic Final Destination death scene is primed to become a reality.

27. Serial killer. LSU is no exception of being terrorized by its very own serial killer. In 2003, Derrick Todd Lee was convicted for killing seven women.

28. Grease fire from community kitchen. A residence hall would not be complete without its community bathroom and kitchen. But all it takes is one resident trying to be Emril to set the entire dorm ablaze. Bam!

29. Crushed by food or drink machine. There is nothing more frustrating than having that favorite candy bar dangle inches away from you, unless that vending machine topple onto you.

30. Living in Kirby Smith. Enough said.

UREC:

31. Weight dropped on your head. Simple exercise can turn deadly with just a slip of the hand. This past September, USC’s running back Stafon Johnson was seriously injured while bench pressing.

32. Getting caught in the treadmill until your skin is ripped off. One fall, that’s all.

33. Falling from the rock climbing wall. Always make sure your harness is secure before you start pretending to be Spider-man, or you may end up on your back with the lights fading to black.

34. Aneurism while trying to “max out.” Pushing it to the limit has never had more disastrous results.

35. Basketball goal falling on you. Slam dunk of death.

36. Falling from the running track. You’ll go from the slow lane to the fast lane when you topple over the barricade that separates the running track from the hard wood basketball courts below.

37. Attacked by “roid rager.” With steroids becoming more and more prevalent in today’s society, anyone could become a casualty of a “hulked out” user.

38. Freak blender accident at Smoothie King. A healthy snack can become a deadly one in a matter of seconds.

Sporting Events:

39. Alcohol poisoning. The highest recorded Blood Alcohol Content level on campus was a 0.462. Anything higher than a 0.45 is considered lethal, according to Major Helen Haire, LSUPD’s commander for special services. Keep that in mind when your buddy keeps yelling “Jager bombs!”

40. Beaten to death by crazed visiting fans. We turn visitors into Tiger Bait for every home game, but watch out when they decide to turn you into dead meat.

41. Barbeque pit explosion. No better way to show your manhood than by the coveted past time of grilling. Except when a pit full of lighter fluid turns you into barbeque.

42. Electrocuted by T.V. set-up. The ultimate tailgate turns into the ultimate flash fry.

43. Trampled to death by stampeding crowd after a stunning win. The last time the student body rushed the field was back in 2000, when the unranked Tigers went on to beat the No. 11 ranked Tennessee Volunteers in overtime. When you have thousands of students stampeding, someone can be left on the ground. Not unlike that unfortunate Wal-Mart employee who got trampled to death last year on Black Friday.

44. Thrown from Tiger Stadium. It’s not called Death Valley for nothing.

45. Falling scoreboard. Yeah, the new scoreboard looks amazing in Tiger Stadium. But you won’t be saying that when you are crushed in high definition.

46. Foul baseball. Better bring your glove to the game and hold it up when that wild foul ball comes barreling right for your temple, otherwise it will leave you as a faithful departed.

47. Stabbed by a broken bat shard. Think bar fight at Alex Box Stadium.

48. Struck by lightning on the golf course. Lightning loves open spaces and metal. “Some 50 years ago, a couple of LSU Field Camp students were struck and killed near the Camp gate,” according to LSU’s Geology Department.

49. Hit to the head by a golf club. Criticizing your buddy’s wild swing can leave you down for the count when his driver connects with your skull.

50. Arrowed by the Archery Club. Going medieval.

Clearly disturbing and bizarre things occur right here on campus. So the next time you feel invincible, remember those paternal words of wisdom. If not, that 50-foot crane fixing the Union could leave you a splattered mess.

See more photos from this story.